I’ve been living a life in photography for a long time now. Decades, really. I fell in love with the medium when I was a teenager, and I think part of the allure were the artists that created the groundbreaking work that inspired and motivated me to become an artist myself. Like a teen that hangs posters of pop stars on their bedroom walls, or reads the weekly music magazines to gain insight into the lives of their “heroes,” I could rightfully be accused of being a fanboy of my favorite photographers. In my early 20s, I once sat in my car outside of Robert Frank’s Bowery studio, hoping that I would catch a glimpse of the master, out for a morning stroll. He never made an appearance that day. This attitude may have never fully left me as I matured and aged; certainly a bit of it still sits somewhere in my middle aged psyche.
No longer a child, I put away childish things. But my high regard for the artists that inspire me has caused me to sometimes forget that these are real people, with real shortcomings and real weaknesses, just live everybody else. Miles Davis was a musical genius. He was also a terrible person, sometimes. Pablo Picasso, contrary to what Jonathan Richman might lead you to believe, was certainly an asshole. My work on producing a podcast has recently put me in contact with a handful of people I hoped to interview for upcoming episodes. I reached out to three “heroes” of mine this week. Each declined to be interviewed. One was honest and gracious. One was honest and blunt. One was distant and difficult and then downright mean. I will not name names. But I will say that my eyes were opening in a way I hadn’t expected. You can love the work, but not the artist. Or, you can think you know someone through that work, but not really “know” them as real people. I was hurt by the rejection, for sure. But I also learned some lessons form the experience. And I worked very hard over the passing days to not let the rejection undermine my drive and desire to create something important. My ego bruised, but still, I persist.