an addendum to my weekly posts… with a nod to Mark Manson

Fog, light leaks, lens flare, scratches, dust, grain, etc. I love everything about this image.

I had an epiphany this morning. Or just a “kick in the eye.” I already had a thought rattling around in my brain that needed to surface. And it did. There’s a dude out there on the internet named Mark Manson, whose newsletter I subscribe to. He’s also written a book that I did read, but maybe not fully embrace. But then again, it must have sunken in, or validated something inside of me, hence this rambling post.

I don’t give a fuck. Right now anyway. Here’s the rub: I shot a roll of film over the past few days, and wanted to develop and scan it over the weekend. So yesterday, I loaded the film in my changing bag and stand processed the film in my kitchen sink. Unbeknownst to me, a sizable tear had developed in the sleeve of my changing bag. Long story short, the roll of film suffered from some serious fogging (I’ll let you digital natives google that.) My roll was far from pristine… lots of light leak damage along the frame edges. I think the fact that I stand developed the roll for 37 minutes on a hot day probably exacerbated the results. The grain was pronounced, too.

Guess what? I didn’t give a fuck and scanned the roll anyway. And I love every fucking frame on the roll. The smattering of lights and darks creeping into the frames, the rough edges of the film sprockets, a bit of dust here and there. I love it all. Why? Because it is a mess, it is imperfect. It is not a perfect digital image. It is not a fast swipe through on Instagram. Which brings me to another point. I get really aggravated when I hear film shooters complain about how long it takes to scan their film. I think it’s an integral part of the process. And though it might take an hour or so for me to scan an entire roll on my archaic Epson 3200 Photo, I don’t fucking care. I put my headphones on, crank the Spotify, and focus on the task at hand. One at a time, the scans pop up on a folder on my desktop, and I do a quick crop and levels adjustment, while the scanner continues its work on the next image.

Spend some time on your photos, for Frank’s sake! Even if they are are failures. Especially if they are failures. You’ll learn from the experience. You’ll slow the fuck down and study your images. Why did I shoot this? Is it any good? IT IS GOOD solely because you took the time to make that photograph. It might not get 100 likes on Instagram. It might not end up as print, or in a zine. But who fucking cares? It is a moment of your life that you invested in. It is evidence that you saw something and responded to it. And if it’s covered in dust, or fogged, or scratched, or out of focus, or just a lame, boring photo, it just doesn’t matter. No one else gives a fuck, why should you? Embrace it.