Another family obligation visit to New Jersey this week. Thankfully, I was able to carve out time for a visit into New York City. They say that it’s easier to photograph in NYC… there is certainly no shortage of subject matter, and the cacophony and chaos of the urban environment is a never ending sensory overload. That being said, I also find it challenging to make photographs that aren’t trite or cliche. It is a fine line between the best and the worst of “street” photography. I wanted my photos to have some unique character to them, so I brought along a pocket-sized mirror to play with while I shot. Pushing my lens up against the mirror allowed me to combine reflected scenery within the same frame as scenes directly in front of me. The juxtaposition of front and back merging into one exposure, for me, captures the complexity and energy of midtown Manhattan in a unique way. I’ve been toying with this approach for a little while now, but I now believe it is tailor made for the city streets. This might be the start of something new for my work. We’ll see if the novelty wears off, or if creative horizons broaden… reflected or otherwise.
2019:52 (Turning A Page)
At the beginning of 2019, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish in the coming year. Most folks make resolutions, but I realized that that was too firm of a demand on my own accountability. The word “goals” was much more palatable for me, and though some goals went unrealized, I was able to reach a few on my list. One of my goals is being fully realized with the writing of this specific post.
I wanted to post to my blog, once a week, every week, for the entire year. I do see the degree of absurdity in maintaining a blog of any sort in the last year of this crazy decade. I cut my internet teeth in decades past, and was consumed by the great blogging crazy of the mid-aughts. But as the years flew by, and I began to take my photographic work more seriously (which included creating this website about five years ago) I realized the value of having a repository for my thoughts here, as opposed to succumbing completely to the whims of the social media platforms I detest but can’t seem to ignore or abandon completely.
Speaking of social media… I keep coming close to deleting my Facebook account, but I realize that it is the only way I stay connected with a certain number of important people in my life. I also admit that I would not be as culturally, politically, or social aware of broad trends if I was not on the privacy and soul sucking entity that is Facebook. However, with the demise of the Latent Image Collective, I had one less excuse to jump on the platform. Still, out of boredom, mostly, I still find myself scrolling through the virtual lives of people that I only virtually know, peppering my feed with “likes” or “loves.” I don’t know what the value is, really. I convince myself that it is a necessary evil, and that I need to be on Facebook in order to bring my creative work to as wide an audience as possible, including those rare but appreciated folks who opened their wallets to financial support my books and exhibits this past year. But I still drift away and back again, and I suspect that at some point I may take the drastic step of having my wife change my password so I can’t log in every freaking day. I also continue to wrestle with Instagram, but somehow rationalize it’s use because it is a photo-based platform. But the chasing of ‘likes” gets so tiring after a while, and I need to be able to see the value in my own work without the need of constant, external validation, most of which means nothing more than catching the eye of a few dozen scrollers. Resolution of this issue is TBD.
One of the benefits of a weekly posting on my blog has been that I can remember where my brain was at different points in the year. It was a nice exercise in pondering my work, my interests, my travel, my book purchases, my book publishing, my exhibitions, my health, my successes, my failures, my moments of joy, my moments of pain and sadness. There’s been plenty of all of it. Such is life. It also gives me a sense of achievement to know I was able to keep up this challenge for a full year… though some weeks were a struggle to come up with something relevant to share. Other weeks I felt like I was sharing too much of myself, but I wanted to take this exercise seriously. And I wanted to be honest, truthful, earnest when I posted. I fear the world lacks this kind of revealing of one’s real thoughts and feelings. The perfectly curated life on social media is damaging to our collective psyche, and I hope that some of ramblings here have shown someone (anyone) else that it’s ok to share your thoughts in this manner. Which leads me to yet another question. Who actually reads these posts of mine? I do see that there has been an uptick in traffic to my website via this blog, but I have no idea who you are, what you think, or even why you came to this site to begin with. I am grateful for any attention given to my photos and my words, but this exercise is still a selfish one, and I think regardless of who sets their eyes on it, I must continue to try to find a way to express myself. This blog will most likely continue into 2020… I’m not sure if it will be weekly, I’m not sure if it will be a quasi-diary, or what else it might entail.
I am happy to have had the opportunity to show my photos in several exhibitions this year. I am especially proud of sharing the walls at UNM with my four compatriots from the Tuesday Night Photobook Nerds hangout that happens every week at the High and Dry Brewery. The friendship and support I get from these gatherings have sustained me through some rocky moments over the past twelve months. I was also very proud of the “River, Ocean, Sea” exhibition that I shared with Fabio and Hean Kuan in the late summer here in Albuquerque. It was a fitting swansong for my time in the Latent Image Collective, and it was a true manifestation of the collaborative spirit that brought the group together in the first place. Lastly, my year was bookended by having my photos shown in Naples, Italy, at the Magazzini Fotografici. It was a dream of mine to have my work shown internationally, and it was so satisfying to have that dream realized.
The year is ending, and so is the decade. There has been so much tumult in the world, I can only hope that sanity and love can overcome the wave after wave of pain, hatred, war, division and death that seems to be in abundance lately. I am also aware that the world will continue on its path regardless of my input or concern, but that will not prevent me from trying to bring goodness, joy, love and art into it. I’ve embraced the existential aspects of my personality with gusto this year. I’ve experienced moments of transcendence, and also moments of extreme darkness. But I also learned lessons that will carry me forward, to enlighten my path, and to inspire me to keep creating. While I breathe, there is hope.
Thank you for spending time with me here over the past twelve months.
Looking Back, Looking Forward
As we all do around this time of year, I'm taking a few moments to reflect on the year that is wrapping up, as well as looking toward the year ahead. Personally, 2017 was a rewarding year. My creativity seemed to be in an elevated state of flow, and I was fortunate enough have some health stability back in my life, after a challenging time in the previous year.
I dove deep into self-publishing, and I discovered the book (or zine) format was a platform for my photos that I really enjoy working with. My book collaboration with Fabio Miguel Roque, tilted "Beyond / Além" was released in the spring, and we were honored to also be able to exhibit the work in September in Évora, Portugal.
I was happy to launch a new series of zines called "Flaunt the Imperfections" that will act as an outlet for my own film photography, as well as an opportunity to collaborate with other film-based photographers. A special thank you goes out to Daniel Milnor and Justin Thor Simenson for being my compatriots in ink, dots, paper and pixels.
I'm continually thrilled to be part of the Latent Image Collective. The international circle of photographers are a source of inspiration and support for my work, and the feeling of connection with these wonderful artists is something I deeply value. Our group exhibit "Ongoing Conversation," as part of PhotoSummer, was a highlight of the year. Many thanks to my photo-sister Karen Mazur for being there in the trenches with me as we mounted to show.
A huge amount of gratitude goes out to Rocky Norton, who generously opened his studio space to me in October to show my "Covered Cars" series and release my limited edition zine.
Rounding out the year, I was proud to release my book of color photographs from New York City. I am so thankful for everyone who purchased the book. Your support keeps me motivated to create.
2017 has been a year of challenges for most of the world. There are so many social / economic / political issues that are creating divisions, pain and hatred... it is impossible not to be affected by it all. I have felt it as well, and have noticed this pessimism has crept into my work. I am by nature an optimist, but have struggled this year to see the light. This struggle has affected my photography, and the new work I've been focussing on definitely shows it.
I've also been reassessing my relationship with social media. I cannot deny that it has been helpful in my promotion of my photography, especially Facebook. I am so deeply entwined in that platform, that I can't honestly imagine deleting my account. I use it to communicate with my fellow Collective members, I keep up with creatives around the world; the self-publishers, artists, photographers, musicians... not to mention friends near and far. It is double edged sword, but still, the good outweighs the bad...if ever so slightly.
Instagram, on the other hand, is something I need to step away from. I find it too detrimental to my creativity and my self-worth to stay engaged with it. Instagram is like a night at a dance club, hoping you meet someone, but no one even buys you a drink, and all you get are catcalls on the way to your car. It's like going for a quick cheap laugh with a pun, as opposed to writing a 5-minute monologue. It's like eating a handful of Pop Rocks. The pursuit of "likes" is futile and unfulfilling and does nothing but fuck with my ego. I don't need it. So I'm saying goodbye to that. I will most likely leave my page up so folks can stumble upon it, but I just can't add to the endless stream of easily scrollable, easily swiped, easily dismissed images any longer.
I have many ideas to pursue in 2018, but I am too realistic to make any resolutions. Instead, I wrote a list and pinned it to the wall in my office. Things I hope to accomplish. Goals I believe I can achieve. With good health, financial stability, the love and support of my amazing wife, as well as the support of all of you who are reading this, I will take a stab at it. May your new year be one of health and satisfaction and peace.